Why It's Okay to Do Nothing

Hey Friend,

Today, I’m giving you permission to do nothing.

Why? Because it’s probably good for us.

Let's get into it.

My guilt for “doing nothing”

I feel pressure to live an exciting life. I have FOMO that if I'm not "making every day count" that I will regret it when I'm older.

The fact that I've flown and driven 10,000+ miles across 6 countries in the last 4 months doesn't seem to be enough. If one week goes by without an adventure of some kind, I begin to feel guilty.

Notice, I didn't say antsy or excited. Nope. Guilty.

Why?

I believe most of us have an invisible jury that judges every move we make. This jury consists of everyone whose opinion we value.

Some of these opinions we are likely right to value (e.g. parents, siblings, friends). Others, not so much.

For example, if I listen to a particular podcast for hours every week, I will likely begin to know them better than my own parents or friends (because who actually talks to their parents or friends 3+ hours per week?).

This means, you guessed it, they get a spot on the invisible jury, too.

So now, famous internet people are “judging” every decision I make.

Will they ever actually judge my decisions? No. But I will imagine what they would think.

Why is this a problem?

This whole “what would X think?” approach gets really fuzzy, really fast.

Not only am I relying on others' opinions to rule my life, but I don't even really know what they would say. I'm imagining their perspective and altering my behavior based on that projection.

Oftentimes, I might not even have a particular figure that I’m imagining. It’s just, “society.”

Now, obviously, this can be good. If I'm trying to convince myself to go to the gym, it can be useful to imagine David Goggins screaming in my face.

But there's a key point that makes this a good thing: I chose to value fitness.

If I don't care about my fitness and health for one reason or another, imagining Goggins screaming at me won't do much good except make me feel, you guessed it, guilty.

It will make me feel like I should be doing something I'm not, and I'll beat myself up about it.

This is a particular example of a meta-lesson: To live a fulfilling life, I must choose my own values and then seek to emulate only those who share said values.

This is because everyone has a different destination they're working towards.

Maybe John wants a mega-yacht, so he values money above all else. But what if I don't want a mega-yacht?

I'd better be careful listening to advice from John, because our values differ. I might begin to believe I should be working harder to make more money because John is.

Before we know it, we have our good ol' friend, guilt.

Or, take a day-to-day example: Maybe my friend Jake loves going out to the club. He always wants me to come out with him.

If I don't know that clubbing isn't important to me and trust myself to know what's best for me, I'll feel guilty for spending the night at home instead.

All of this speaks to an age-old adage: Know thyself.

There are so many people affecting our lives (literally called "influencers") on a daily basis, that it is becoming harder and harder to determine, by ourselves, what we want.

What is fulfilling to me? What does a good life look like to me?

Asking these questions are a prerequisite to building a good life. Until I know where I'm going, I can't decide how to get there.

Maybe it’s not the exciting life that everyone shares on social media. Maybe it’s quite “boring.”

You’ll never know until you begin to wonder.

So, how do I answer these questions?

It's hard, but I believe one crucial element is to eliminate.

Eliminate distraction, eliminate desires, eliminate influences (for a time).

By eliminating, you are not left with nothingness. Rather, you create space to find what really matters.

If I go on IG/TikTok/YouTube every spare moment, then when am I giving myself the time to simply sit, think and begin to answer these questions?

You cannot cultivate intuition with constant input.

To "know thyself," you must "spend time alone with thyself."

This is why I believe in minimalism (both physical and digital) so strongly. I have very few distractions from what really matters (for me).

And every moment that I spend not-distracted is a moment I can dedicate towards answering these crucial questions.

Takeaway

The takeaway is simple: It's okay to do nothing. In fact, it may be what you and I need most.

Only by creating space can we answer the important questions and build a life we love.

This life might not be filled with constant traveling, adrenaline, and riveting stories. Instead, it may be rather “boring.”

And that’s O.K.

I’m still working on not feeling guilty for “staying in” and not living a life of constant external adventure. I’m realizing that if I gain fulfillment from “internal adventure” (philosophy, spirituality, etc.), that is O.K.

It’s about my values, not those around me.

What do you feel guilty for? Shoot me a reply. I’d love to chat about it with you and see if we can’t both grow a little wiser.

Until next week,

Take care,
Ryan

P.S. Favorite Discoveries

In the context of this letter, I have a couple related pieces of content.

Book:

One is a book titled, “Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving.” When I had a personal development coach for a short time, she recommended this book to me.

To be honest, I still haven’t read it, but given that I’m thinking about it so much, it might not be a bad idea.

Video(s):

I saw this one come up on YouTube a while back. It stuck in my mind as something watch, and I just did (after writing this letter).

It’s called “Why I Choose to Live a ‘Boring’ Life", and she does a much better job of capturing this idea than me.

Coincidentally, she’s also from Hawai`i (and is a minimalist!). I’d recommend watching it (only 7 minutes long).

Ultimately, her message is the same as mine: Find what makes you happy, and shamelessly live that.