Marriage + faith

Hey friend,

Been a minute, although things have not been uneventful. I’m currently in Switzerland with my girlfriend, her family, and a Syrian refugee (long story). Well, I guess “girlfriend” is now the outdated term, as we just got engaged. 😲 

I proposed to her on a glacier in the Swiss alps which we arrived upon via helicopter. It was kinda wild. Here’s a pic:

Now, I’m facing all of the emotions that come with the impending reality of marriage: Excitement, fear, joy, sorrow.

It is easy for me to doubt the feasibility of marriage as a model. I’ve personally seen plenty of examples of it failing, my parents’ being one of them, and my own dad repeatedly “warned” me to never get into one.

And yet, I just proposed to my girlfriend of one and a half years at the age of 24, much younger than I ever expected to, if at all. Why?

I came across a line that I’d saved in my journal that speaks deeply to me in this moment: “I replace doubt with acts of faith.”

I think “faith” is perhaps the only word to encapsulate the “reason” behind it. Not religious faith, although that is a part of my situation, but rather faith in myself, my partner, and our ability to rewrite the story of marriage in my life, together.

When I feel past the fear into a deeper part of my heart, I know that we are capable of building a loving, trusting, beautiful life together. I know that the fear is there to protect me, but that I ultimately cannot let it dictate my life. I will not live in fear.

The pressure to do so has been present all of my life. My dad, in what I still believe was a genuine effort to protect me, attempted to lead me into a life of fear, isolation, and self-preservation at all costs. The last ~10 years of my life have been a constant battle against his “warnings” and my own desire to live a richer, more expansive life.

This chapter in the story feels like another lesson in doing this, in learning to discern true wisdom on the dangers of life from self-fulfilling fear.

If I believe that my marriage is doomed to fail, then it will. If I feed those doubts and use all of the examples of failed marriages to convince myself that it is impossible, then it will be.

However, I believe that if I replace those doubts with acts of faith, if I instead seek out all of the examples of happy, intimate, thriving marriages, and convince myself of its possibility, then it will be.

It feels like one of the ultimate judges of confidence, of faith, both in myself, my partner, and, perhaps, in a power beyond comprehension.

Here’s to a courageous, faithful, and loving 2024!

All my best,
Ryan