- Letter to a Friend
- Posts
- The Biggest Lie About Happiness
Hey friend,
Do me a favor.
Throw yourself back to the good ol' tribe days. Imagine you are born into a hunting and gathering tribe of 100 people.
You're a cute little baby boy. Everybody takes care of you for a few years because, well, you're useless (other than looking cute, of course).
But after a while, say 5 or 6, you start to get a few responsibilities. Maybe it is taking care of your younger brother/sister who is born, or learning from the elders.
Then, a few years later, the real trials begin. You learn to hunt. You learn to protect your younger siblings. You learn survival skills.
Then, when puberty hits, you're given the real test: A rite of passage. You're thrown out into the wild for a week to see if you can survive all on your own.
If you don't... Oh well. You would have been a burden to the tribe, anyways.
But if you do... Well, now you're a man, and you can protect and provide for others in the tribe.
Seems like a harsh life, right? We should be so glad that we don't have to deal with that struggle anymore, right?
We should be so glad that as a young man you can simply play video games and watch porn all day and be happy, right?
....right??
Um, wrong.
Here's why: Purposeful struggle gives meaning. Responsibility gives meaning. ESPECIALLY as a man.
The fact that we can survive without struggle gives rise to meaninglessness and depression, not happiness.
So, if modernity doesn't push you into that purposeful struggle anymore, we need to create it ourselves.
Choose your struggle, or someone else will choose it for you.
That means choosing to NOT fill all your free time with mindless entertainment. THESE are the moments where you get to sit, think, and decide what you want your struggle to be.
If your life is a seesaw between struggling meaninglessly for someone else and being placated by mindless entertainment, no wonder you aren't fulfilled.
Cultivate free space, think deeply, find your struggle, and pursue it with every spare moment.
Don't pursue freedom from struggle (i.e. "retirement"). Pursue meaningful struggle.
One of the biggest lies about happiness is that it lies in a margarita on the beach. Fuck that.
I WANT to wake up at 6 a.m., meditate for an hour, drench myself in my own sweat from an animalistic workout, take a bone-chilling cold shower, sit in DEEP focus for 4 hours working on the project of my dreams, and take care of those that I love.
I don't want an empty package of fake happiness in exchange for sacrificing my vitality for 40 years.
I want to feel fully invigorated every day of my life.
And I take that responsibility on my own two shoulders because I know that nobody else is going to make me feel it.
So if you don't feel fully alive on a frequent basis, if every day is filled with the same meaningless struggle, here's what I hope is your kick in the ass: Nobody is coming to save you.
Get off IG, TikTok, Youtube, video games, and everything else that you use as a distraction from the emptiness of your life and actually do something about it.
Wake up at 6 a.m., even if you don't have to. DON'T go on your phone (put it on airplane mode and Do Not Disturb). Go workout instead. Journal. Start a project, all by yourself. Set a time where you work on it every single day.
Practice being your own boss. Because if you aren't, someone else will be.
And chances are, you won't like it.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, take a big deep breath, and relax. Know that you earned that beer, that movie, the video games - whatever it is.
Enjoy time with your loved ones, play, have sex. The life of a disciplined man does not need to be devoid of any pleasure.
In fact, a man who cannot relax and play is probably covering up for a whole bunch of other things that need to be worked through (i.e. integrated).
The key is being intentional. Taking control of your life rather than giving the reins to someone else.
Find what’s important to you and make a resolution to pursue it despite all the distractions tempting you into mindless placation.
Craft your life, or someone else will.
Ok, rant over.
Man, caffeine is a HELL OF A DRUG. Don't let anybody else tell you different.
Hope y'all are doing well and that, in the words of good ol' Jocko, you go get some.
Til next time…
Much love,
Ryan
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