Simple advice I didn’t appreciate until now

Hey friend,

It's my two-year anniversary with my fiancee today. I'm writing this newsletter in a cabin in Wisconsin, looking out over a lake. It's peaceful and lovely. The birds are singing, the sunlight is peeking through the clouds, and there are boats going by with fishermen casting their lines, hoping for a catch.

Perfect writing conditions, right? Wrong. I've been struggling to put some clear thoughts down on paper for the past 3 hours, so I'll start with a story that will hopefully lead me somewhere worthwhile.

Back in Hawai`i I had a barber named Colin. He was a pretty normal dude, perhaps 10 years older than me, and conversation with him was mostly bro-to-bro. He made me feel like an equal, as any good conversationist does. We would chat about normal, somewhat small-talky things, until the end. After I paid, as I walked out the door, he would offer a small, seemingly innocuous piece of advice: "make good decisions."

I would nod and say something like, "of course," not thinking much of it. "Of course I'll make good decisions," I thought, "who wouldn't?"

It isn't dawning on me until now, about 7 years later, how crucial the subject matter of this advice is. I recall a quote from an author whose name I can't remember: "the quality of your decisions determine the quality of your life."

I don't think the importance of this can be overstated (which is probably why Colin would repeat it every single time). There are a few things in particular that stand out to me about this phrase:

1) It's self-responsible. My decisions determine my life, not anyone else's.

2) It's expansive. I can decide to have a high quality of life, do great things and build something I'm proud of. This is empowering and exciting for me, given how much I love being in control of my own destiny (or at least feeling like it).

3) It's open-ended. It implies that I can get better at making decisions. I am not just born with good or bad decision-making, but it's something that I can work on and improve.

When I reflect on my life to-date, the truth of this statement becomes crystal clear. Every good thing I have in my life, whether it be my education, my job, or my relationship, is the result of an active (and intimidating) decision.

I decided go to school, even though it meant leaving the place and people that I loved and was comfortable with. I decided to start a business by cold calling and pitching my digital marketing services and then, more recently, to jump on an employment opportunity that came my way. And last but not least, I decided to approach a girl on the beach and then, more recently, to propose and secure a loving life together.

I don't mean to claim I'm the decision-making god. I know there are plenty of poor decisions that I've made, probably even more than there are good ones (one I've been reminded of every day for the last 9 months is trying to deadlift without enough stretching beforehand).

But what becomes clear is that every decision is not equal in weight. I can make the wrong decision 90% of the time but, as long as those remaining 10% are the important ones (such as who I surround myself with), I'll be okay.

I'll end this letter with a prompt for reflection: What decisions have you made that led you to where you are, and what decisions will you make in the next year that deserve time for thought?

I wish you the best in making them, and since I can't resist, I'll give one a small piece of advice myself: make them with courage.

Until next week.

Take care,

Ryan