Who Are You Trying to Impress?

Hey friends!

So I'm on a beach in Mexico looking at the stars when I realized that I still haven't written this week's letter. Shit! Well, here we go. It's still technically Sunday so I'm staying true to my word.

I've been solo traveling in Mexico again for the past four days. It's been a lot of fun, but I've noticed another thing I beat myself up about inside my head: Socializing. Even though I've already made plenty of connections, I've realized that if I'm not constantly meeting people, doing something with friends, setting up dates, or otherwise making efforts to be surrounded by other people, I feel self-conscious for being "anti-social".

I'm not sure where I got it from. It's probably my desire to optimize life and be the best at everything, which means being incredibly charismatic and social, even if I don't feel like it.

It's also difficult because there is the fear that comes with meeting new people, and since one of my challenges to myself is to face my fears to grow more, I judge myself if I'm not constantly facing my fears and overcoming them.

Finding the line between self-challenge and self-acceptance is a challenge in itself.

Anywho, that's something I've been thinking about while I'm here, and I'm trying to find the balance myself between simply chilling out and pushing myself. It's a never-ending process, so might as well find a way to enjoy it.

My question to you, dear reader is this: What do you judge yourself about internally? Have you ever wondered where you got this from? Who is the invisible audience you're trying to impress?

Interesting and valuable questions to ponder.

That's it for me. Hasta la promixa vez, mis amigos.

Ryan