Learning to care

Note: I ran into deliverability issues again, so there are two past issues of this letter (here and here) that didn’t make it to everyone’s inbox.

Hey Friend,

Happy holidays! I hope you’ve had a wonderful time with family/friends, as I have. Personally, this Christmas has been the most idyllic of them all, largely due to the feeling of safety and stability I have in my life now.

Hate on it all we want, but if there’s one thing the “suburban house with the white picket fence and 2.5 kids” stereotype offers, it’s stability, and that shouldn’t be taken lightly (coming from someone who lacked it most of his life).

On an indirectly related note, I find myself becoming more political. Not in the sense that I’m increasingly enjoying political conversations/debates, but in realizing that many philosophical, moral, and ethical questions ultimately lead to political questions. I’ve begun making connections between my own experiences and greater political conversations.

Part of me is annoyed with myself. I largely despite the word “politics” as it conjures up images of ill-informed, emotionally-charged arguments and divisiveness. I’d much prefer to escape and ignore it, but I’m realizing that’s actually a privileged action.

I could certainly just focus on making money for myself and my future family, take the attitude that everyone who doesn’t have as much as me should pick themselves up by their bootstraps and figure it out, and live in a bubble.

Many people do this, and it’s largely what I’ve done up until this point, but it no longer feels right.

This internal shifting has not yet led to any meaningful changes other than a resolution to continue donating some money every month via Giving What We Can and a decision to start volunteering.

I see these two actions accomplishing separate aims.

To me, donating is about effectiveness: “where will this dollar do the most good?” My opinions have been largely shaped by the Effective Altruism movement.

Volunteering, on the other hand, is something I have not done but wish to do in order to deepen my compassion and understanding for others, especially those on the outskirts of society. I struggle with seeing all of the homeless people in New York, wanting to help but not being sure how. I’m going to investigate volunteering at the Common Pantry or other homeless programs.

My rational mind knows that, on a good-done-per-hour basis, volunteering isn’t the most ”effective”. If I really wanted to “do the most good” immediately, I’d use those hours to make more money using my skillset, then donate the proceeds to effective charities.

But I also believe in the value of learning to see the humanity in others, rather than just going for the mathematically-optimal action in an attempt to alleviate guilt, which I think donations can become.

I’m reminded of a moment in my podcast with Ken McGrath when I asked him about altruism (1:50:51 to be exact). He referred back to his experience going to impoverished regions in Africa/Asia and feeling like no matter how much money they had, it wasn’t going to be enough.

It inspired some humility in him and a realization that it was in the act of giving itself, a personal offering, that the true value lay.

It doesn’t mean that we can’t scale it and “Do Good Better”, but that, to quote Ken, “what's important for us is the authenticity of taking what we have and giving until it hurts to somebody else until it helps.”

Anyways, these are some of the things I’m pondering in this holiday season, in addition deepening my understanding of Christmas and my Christian faith more broadly.

I feel I am at the base of many mountains and, rather than dreading the climb, look forward to it, as I know that a better version of myself (along with more mountains) await me at the summit.

I truly hope that 2025 brings you what you need, and may we all learn to be better humans this year for those who need us most.

Until next time,
Ryan